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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1477714
06/03/2014 16:02
06/03/2014 16:02
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Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,446 Essex
evo_number_one
My job on the forum
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My job on the forum
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 1,446
Essex
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Extract from tony bliars book.
I had regularly started jogging out of Downing Street. On each run I happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day.
With some apprehension I would brace myself as I approached her for what was most certainly to follow "£50 quid!" she would shout from the kerb. "50p!" I fired back. This ritual between myself and the hooker continued daily.
One day however Cherie decided that she wanted to accompany me on my jog. As we jogged nearer the problematic street corner, I realised the "pro" would bark her £50 offer and Cherie would wonder what I'd really been doing on all my past outings. I realised I’d need to have a damn good explanation for my illustrious lawyer wife. As we jogged into the turn that would take us past the corner, I became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker. I tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair of us jog past.
Then, from the pavement, the hooker yelled,
"See you tight git, thats what you get for 50p?"
105
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: barnacle]
#1478413
11/03/2014 10:40
11/03/2014 10:40
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,144 Southampton, Hants
Roadking
Club member 1809
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Club member 1809
Forum is my life
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,144
Southampton, Hants
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A teacher asks her students to discuss what their dads do for a living. Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail." Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better." All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. The teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?" Johnny says: "My Dad is dead." "I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?" "He turned blue, and shit on the carpet."
"RK's way seems the most sensible to me". ali_hire 16 Dec 2010
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: Paul_V]
#1478478
11/03/2014 19:32
11/03/2014 19:32
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RoyH
Unregistered
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RoyH
Unregistered
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Don't forget Comic Relief this year. Just £5 could help a disabled African learn to tell the difference between an intruder and his girlfriend...
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: ]
#1479609
18/03/2014 19:00
18/03/2014 19:00
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RoyH
Unregistered
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RoyH
Unregistered
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Interviewer: "Give me three words that best describe you."
Job Candidate: "Violent when disappointed."
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1480997
27/03/2014 16:28
27/03/2014 16:28
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,524 Aldershot
PeteP
Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
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Hon Club Member 005, Membership Secretary
Forum Fossil
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 21,524
Aldershot
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Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a massive failure because of the following:
1. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. 2. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. 3. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. 4. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. 5. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. 6. In Israel they didn't know what "please" meant. 7. In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. 8. In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
16VT and X1/9 1500
We must all do our part for the planet. I unplugged a row of electric cars that nobody was using.
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1481145
28/03/2014 17:25
28/03/2014 17:25
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Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
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Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
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Re: Crap joke thread
[Re: MattM]
#1482001
03/04/2014 07:54
03/04/2014 07:54
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Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
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Muzzynumber2
Unregistered
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What did the saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support people are going to think we're nuts".
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